Things I Got Today
Sep
'06
1. A headache1.
2. Hit on2.
3. A blueberry muffin3.
4. A hug4.
5. A raise5.
1I can’t attribute this headache to anything except lack of sleep. I haven’t been sleeping well lately: Three guesses as to why.
2I always seem to get hit on at work by the most ridiculous people. They’re also always really short, and never speak English as their first language. Saying things like “I don’t have a phone” and “I have a boyfriend” and “my boyfriend kills bears for a living” and “I’m actually only working here today, then I’m moving to Alaska,” these things, they just don’t ward these people off. For some very strange reason, they actually believe these comments, but they always come back with responses such as, “It’s okay, I’ll call you at work” and “Oh, you have a boyfriend? Want to see a movie anyway?” and “It’s okay if you’re moving out of state, we can just go out tonight.” Today was especially creepy because the guy followed me back to the bathroom, and even though I tried to stand in there for a good 10 minutes (I was on the clock and all, so I couldn’t waste too much time), he was still there when I got out. Luckily for me, the “I have to work so I can’t talk” statement does seem to get them to leave. Dude today said he’d come back later but as far as I know, he never did.
3We have the best fucking blueberry muffins ever, if you’re ever around a Joe Muggs. They are just the right amount of squishy.
4Much needed.
5I was then told that I’m the first person to have the “guts” to ask for a raise and shortly after receiving my raise, which took all of fifteen seconds to acquire, I was told to tell Ricky to ask for his raise. I managed a whole quarter, even though I asked for a dime and a nickel. Very pleased with myself, though mind you, I still plan to have a new job by January at latest.
In Which I Talk About Some Customers
Sep
'06
Yesterday at work I told someone that Jesus Christ was my Lord and Savior and that I was Saved, and other such capitalized words for the sake of religion.
Scary Christian Girl #1: Excuse me, where are your Bibles?
Me: *walks towards Bibles* They’re straight across here, on the back wall.
Scary Christian Girl #1: Thank you!
*pause*
Scary Christian Girl #1: By the way, do you believe in Jesus Christ?
Me: (thinking, yes, because he was a real person at some point, whether or not the Son of God) Yes I do, absolutely!
Scary Christian Girl #1: Good! Have a nice day!
I was on my way to the front of the store, looking for a book for another customer. I was stopped by another customer who, I should have guessed, was friends with Scary Christian Girl #1.
Scary Christian Girl #2: *holding a sale copy of The Message* Excuse me, what is this book?
Me: It’s a religious book; a popular one. People come in asking for it often.
Scary Christian Girl #2: Have you read it?
Me: *scared for my life* No, I haven’t.
Scary Christian Girl #2: Do you know anyone else who has read it?
Me: Uh, not off the top of my head, no. I can’t think of anyone who has read it.
Scary Christian Girl #2: What do you suppose it’s about?
Me: (at this point, I am frustrated that I have to pause in helping the original customer to have a theological discussion - even after I had told Richard earlier that I wasn’t in the mood for any kind of theological discussions) I suppose it’s about the Message of God.
Scary Christian Girl #2: Very good! Yes, it is. Do you know who Jesus Christ is?
Me: Yes, I do.
Scary Christian Girl #2: Jesus Christ, as in, your Lord and Savior?
Me: Yes, Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. I am Saved.
Scary Christian Girl #2: EXCELLENT!
Scary Christian Girl #3: What’s up?
Scary Christian Girl #2: I was just talking to this girl about Jesus Christ!
They walked away, so I continued my journey to find the missing stack of books. Last I saw, they’d tag-teamed off into the cafe, and were still there 20 minutes later. Terrified that one of the cafe people would reveal my non-Christiandom, I avoided the cafe all together until they left. I mean, come on, I could either continue life with three converters thinking I was Saved, or I could get berated by Jesus Christ’s bodyguards for lying about it. Little do they know, I am Jesus Christ.
**
And then I went to bed.
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