How to Be Mean for No Reason
Feb
'08
I’ve come here to recommend a book that Richard and I are completely fascinated with and often spend several minutes each night reading out of. It’s called Deliberate Acts of Needless Meanness and it’s authored by Justin Rosenholtz. One of the most interesting aspects of it, to me, is that it’s authored only by one person, which means that this one person came up with 366 hilarious ways to be horribly mean. They aren’t really simple like, “Throw rocks at children.” They’re very complex and witty and extremely hilarious; yet sometimes it feels very wrong to be reading or owning this book at all.
It’s divided into sections and each unnecessary mean act is labeled as a “day” - making a leap year of very rude things to do to everyone in the world. The best part is that you don’t have to have a reason! Chapters include “Strangers,” “Parties,” “The Office,” “Friends and Neighbors,” “Family,” “Holidays,” “Dating,” “Partners,” “Ex-Lovers,” and the last one which is labeled under “And Finally…” but which I personally don’t find to be particularly mean. It does, however, manage to include all of the aforementioned chapters so I suppose it wraps up everything very nicely, but as it’s Day 366, I assume you can only accomplish it on a leap year. 
In any case, I’d like to give a few examples just to give you an idea of how awesome this book is. It’s really brought Richard and I closer together. We both give hearty “oh no!”s and say “that’s so awful” to the same things, thus illustrating the opinions we have in common. Enjoy!
Day 7: No book with a bookmark in it should be left without moving the bookmark to a different page. That’ll cure the bookworms of their intellectual pretensions and teach them to watch television like normal people.
Day 41: At the beach, bury some cans and worthless metal. Then watch all the dreary metal-detector guys get excited because they think they’ve found something immensely valuable.
Day 123: Surreptitiously spray your boss’s coat with tacky perfume before he leaves the office. Imagine him going home and having to explain to his wife why he smells like a cheap whore.
Day 150: Play a game with your friends. Ask them to estimate each other’s IQs by secretly writing them on pieces of paper. Then surreptitiously replace most of the pieces of paper with suggestions under 100. Observe the consternation of the dimwits as they argue with each other.
Day 192: Send an email to everyone in your family telling them how much you love them, but leave out one person, preferably the sibling with the lowest self-esteem. When they ask why you didn’t include them, say, “Oh, I forgot you existed.”
Day 234: Is your friend depressed because they have been dumped? Be sure to send them a Valentine’s Day card signed by the person who dumped them. Imagine their horror when they hopefully call their ex only to find out it was a hoax.
Day 259: Flirt incessantly with the person at the next table (only if they are on a date, too). Go off and have sex with them if possible. With luck you can be mean to two people in one evening.
Day 303: As a mean partner, it is your sworn duty to miss the last five minutes of anything your partner asks you to record for them.
Day 358: Take photos of your ex’s overfriendly cat and print up your own missing posters, promising a huge reward if found. Every time someone sees the poor kitty they’ll take him home and annoy your ex for money.
There are quite a lot more clever and interesting ones but it’s a small book and hard to hold open while typing. Perfectly pocket-sized, however, in case you’d like to carry it around with you!
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lol, that sounds hilarious and makes me feel slightly bad for laughing at the same time ~_~
i like day 7 quite a bit. those treasure hunters drive me nuts ^^ I’ll definitley have to keep my eye open for this next time i’m at the book store
Feb
'08
Ouch, those are mean. Remind me not to piss you off Michelle, lol. Those are soo funny. I have actually had Day 7 happen to me at the local library. Trust me, that was irritating cause I didn’t remember what page I was on.
Feb
'08
oops. sorry to double comment, I meant, day 41 -_-
Feb
'08
LMAO those are awesome! I want this book!
Feb
'08
That is hilarious, I want to buy that book!!! I think I just might, thank you for sharing because that is simply amazing.
Feb
'08
I must have this book.
Feb
'08
Hey I love your layout its cute. I wish winter would hurry up and get over. We just had a huge storm, and theres like 3 feet of snow on the ground. Doesn’t look like winter will be over any time soon O.o
Feb
'08
Oh my gosh! How horrible! I mean, the stuff is funny, but not if someone was actually going to do all of that mean stuff! It’s good for a laugh though, I can see.
Mar
'08