Customer Comments
Jul
'07
I’ve decided recently that I really don’t have “customer humor.” These are people who come in to your workplace and stare at you until you ask what they want, and then say things like, “Do you have my book?” As you stare at them in confusion, heat rises up your neck while your stomach suddenly becomes uncontrollably nauseated, and a comical smile forms across their face. “D-Did you put a book on hold?” you ask, uncomfortable with this entire situation and not entirely feeling yourself. “No, I want to know if you have the book I want. Can’t you read my mind?” they reply with a laugh that says they think they’re absolutely brilliant, completely clever in a way that no one could ever match. Immediately, you hate them.
Or at least I do.
I don’t have that line of humor. I can’t bring myself to laugh at “save a tree!” when you decline a plastic bag. My previous job sold discount cards to customers and after asking if they had one, they’d say, “No, I don’t have one, but can I use yours?” surely thinking they are the only person ever to have said this, and Oh My God, how hilarious they are. And when you respond that, no, only employees can use the discount, they continue harassing you about being “the one” who gives the money for your paycheck, and being “the one” who is worthy of your cheating… just this once. Sometimes they take it so far as to call you inconsiderate. Are they still joking? I could never tell.
And you know what? It’s not my job to clean up after you. Part of it, yes, but not all of it, and it’s annoying that you think saying, “It’s their job to realphabetize this!” is a good excuse for completely fucking up an entire section of books. I don’t get paid to spend 45 minutes fixing your mess, ignoring the long list of other things I have to get done. I understand if you don’t know exactly where you got that book, but instead of laying it across the nearest shelf to you, why don’t you either A, put it back in the general vicinity from where you got it, or B - and this is a completely novel idea, I assure you - bring it to the front desk, apologzingly: “I don’t remember where I got this, but I don’t want to mess up your organization.” We won’t hate you. In fact, we’ll appreciate it so much that we might even wish you a “wonderful” day instead of a “nice” one.
I don’t like that laugh that says “I’ve made a joke.” I don’t like that look that says “I’m not being serious, but I wouldn’t refuse.” I don’t like stupid comments like, “You haven’t read this? What do you do all day?” Hey, just because I work with books doesn’t mean that I have to have read all of them, or for that matter, doesn’t mean I have to want to. Maybe, I don’t know, maybe I just don’t like working in customer service anymore. I am tired of having to humor idiots.
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