inthelouvre.org » “I Just Don’t Get It”

“I Just Don’t Get It”

Mar

'08

I sometimes don’t understand why my mother bothers me so much about not having gotten married yet. I’m 29 years old, it’s true, but I have two brothers and a sister who are already married and have proven their competance in family life. You’d think Mom would just be happy with what she’s got. Who wants more grandchildren to remind them of how old they are?

Yes, yes, the recycled reason is that she wants to see me happy, settled down, less lonely in my spacious apartment. She wants me to wake up next to someone special every morning and give him a warm smile, maybe tossle his hair a bit and whisper “I love you” into his ear. She would rejoice if I didn’t have to work; it’d be her life on repeat. I’d spend the day reading, cleaning, or watching Oprah, all while preparing dinner plans in my mind. My first born will come home from school, clearly appreciative of his mother and I’d feed him a healthy but delicious snack. My second born will come home shortly thereafter begging for gummy treats but getting none but a poke on the nose and a sandwich. Every night my husband would tell me how beautiful I am and how wonderful our family is.

He’d never dedicate all of his time and money to video games like my first long-term boyfriend. He’d never develop an addiction to other women’s breasts like my second long-term boyfriend. He’d never even conceive the idea of cheating on me several times, once or twice with a friend of mine, just like my third long-term boyfriend. And most importantly, he’d ask for my phone number after we slept with each other spontaneously one night, rather than ignoring my offer for friendship. He wouldn’t shake his head and say, “I’m at a loss,” when I see him a few weeks later at a McDonald’s buying French fries for his four year old kid, who by the way he didn’t mention during that long night of passionate love-making.

I never got his name, but now I suppose I don’t need it. Part of me wishes I had it, though, so I could look him up and tell his wife. (At least I assume he has a wife; he was wearing a ring after all.)

So I can see why Mom wants me to find a nice boyfriend, but unfortunately they don’t exist.

Today I would like to announce that I’m not going to seek it out. I’m not going to try to find someone to hold me, someone who will understand me, or someone who will get my purse for me from the other side of the room while I’m too lazy or self-conscious to get up. Mom probably wants us to build families while she’s still alive because the loss of Dad was too much for her… Maybe she’s lonely. But this is my life. And I don’t want a boyfriend. I perhaps imagined a lovely life with someone only a few weeks ago, but as I stand now, I just want peace.

Anyway, it’s late.

Eve

9 people found this entry interesting.

Amanda says:

“unfortunately they don’t exist.”

this could not be more incorrect. i understand that she would be hurt after all of the junk she was previously put through, but that doesn’t mean that nice guys don’t exist.

Mar

'08

M says:

Shhhh! Don’t worry, I’m going somewhere with this storyline. But you have to admit, it’s easy sometimes to look back on your life and wonder why you, specifically, haven’t found that guy. She hasn’t met her “Marc” yet.

Mar

'08

Amanda says:

oh, i didn’t realize that this was something you’re writing. i’m such an ass sometimes! for some reason, i thought that this was from someone else’s blog, and i coudn’t figure out why you were using it. i’m so, so blonde.

‘But you have to admit, it’s easy sometimes to look back on your life and wonder why you, specifically, haven’t found that guy.’

this is 100% true, but even when i did wonder that, i never thought that he didn’t exist. i was just confused as to why he wasn’t in my life yet

Mar

'08

Amanda says:

i meant to say that i didn’t realize it was a part of something on-going that you’ve been working on. i remember reading other sunday scribblings where eve was involved … i don’t know why i didn’t associate the two this time around.

Mar

'08

Redness says:

Excellent, loved this … you’re right, peace is heaps better

Mar

'08

Melissa says:

LOL, I didn’t realize at first this was something you were writing…although the italics should have given it away.

This is an interesting viewpoint that I definitely agree with. Peace and understanding yourself is a lot more important that trying to find something in someone else, if that makes sense.

Awesome, Michelle.